You never get to choose anyway.. So why bother!

Reminds me of a little story when I was little.

It took some serious coaxing, continuous studies, and recommendation from mom to get my first hockey stick. I still remember dad bought me the stick, without taking me to the shop -- it was my earliest enlightenment of how you should never let your parent buy anything for you. It looked like an ice hockey stick instead. I hated it from the very moment I saw it. I still remember, it had a band-aid like thing pasted on the bottom edge (lest I erode the stick). It took me exactly 5 mins to break the stick and probably 5 more months to get another one. This new baby was an angel. Perfect curve, the right balance and weight. It was called 'Service' ( I still have it in my attic), as though to remind me that it should last forever.
The first day in school with the new hockey stick was amazing. At the stroke of 12 (Tiffin time for us ;) ) .. I rushed to the ground along with my friends .. my strides were by far longer than others, my new acquisition was gleaming. All of us threw our weapons on the ground. The priest sat in front of the weapons, with another helping him go in a trance. With the power vested upon him, he carelessly threw the hockey sticks, two at a time, in opposite directions. Before you knew, teams were created, battle lines drawn and war would begin. This continued daily .. there was a romance in the rudimentarism. Never did we care about the results (well almost) , never did we care about 'who is playing in my team and who is not', never did we care about the sun ( or rain sometime).. What was important was the game.. the feeling of being in the game !

Our lives are also like the hockey game.... The sticks are like situations in our lives, we don't get to choose them. At first it looks like some random blind guy throws them on us without any logic.. hurridly just as to finish the activity and join the game. Sometimes in our overt adulthood we think that He is just too eager to play the game Himself.. but we forget.. ta ha .. He is the game !
It takes a near lifetime for us to realise that we neither choose the sticks nor the playground nor the results…what is important, is that we ought to play !

Rehearse your conversations

In the last three weeks there has been, at least, two occasions where I repented (in retrospect) what I said. When I played back the conversations again and again, in my mind, I realised that there were only one or two sentences (and sometimes words) that twisted the conversation. Wrong words, wrong sentences, wrong phrases, wrong body movement, wrong facial expressions are like tipping point for an avalanche. It is like school bells-- once it rings you can never stop the children gushing out... Its a like a raging river, a sedate and serene 'pharan' can thus become a death defying experience…. and most of the time you don't come back alive, every time your conscious dies or worst still you add an additional layer to your skin ( making it thicker than it was earlier).

During the conversation you need to remember two things... 'who are you' and 'where do you want this conversation to go-- the purpose of the conversation'. Conversations go awry only when you are not clear about these two things.

'Where do you want the conversation to go' is a relatively easy question to answer. There are three stages here :
- I am very sure of what I want
- I don't know what I want
- What I want is a function of how the other person behaves during the conversation

‘Being sure of what you want’ is a state of mind that is so profound and overwhelming that you don't have time for inconsequential expression of emotion. Have you ever see a worker bee smile / frown while it is at its purpose. It is so sure of its purpose, that it does not have time for such expression... the advantage of giving such examples are , you can never go wrong... someone needs to really get stung by a bee to prove me otherwise. .. hehehe !!

I am very sure of what I want -- is the ideal state. All of us have gone through this stage (but may not have realised it).
Every time a woman smiles after she has trounced your foot with her stiletto heels... she is very sure of what she wants -- "Mercy without saying so"

How we react to the women who trounced our foot, will help us understand the stage that we are in:
i) I am very sure what I want -- "If you give me your number I can send you my medical bills" (and depending on 'who you are' the intent would be to get the ‘number' or the 'medical bills' or 'both')
ii) I don't know what I want -- "High heel pehen ke bus mein aaney ki kya zaroorat hai "
iii) What I want is a function of the how the other person behaves during the conversation -- a) A bomb-shell in stilettos -- koi baat nahi madam ; b) Otherwise -- choicest invectives.

Ok, now quiz time ... "amongst the two stages 'I don't know what I want' and 'What I want is a function of how the other person behaves during the conversation' which one is more miserable” ..tik tik tik tik

'I don't know what I want' is conscious incompetence. In such scenario, the first best thing to do is to introspect. Try to find out the purpose of your conversation. And if you are unsure, it will not be deemed as your cowardice should you refrain from any further conversation. On the contrary, if you are not sure of what you want and still continue the conversation, it could lead to dementia!
"What I want is a function of the how the other person behaves during the conversation" --- You pretty much don't have an opinion and wouldn't mind swinging either ways ! Every conversation has a purpose, and if you don't take control of the purpose, the ‘purpose’ (often adverse of what you want) takes control of you. Hence instead you controlling the conversation, the conversation controls you!

Of the two, the second one is more miserable and takes longer time to heal.

Now, let’s come to the next big topic: "Who you are" in the conversation.

What you do is always a function of who you are, but most of the time we conveniently confuse it to be a function of the situation (paristhiti). Hence, if you believe, that you are the "bigger" person in the conversation.. you would never want to trounce the other person, rather the surety within you would allow you to patiently listen to the other, not being pugnacious, but would still have the panache to get what you want out of the conversation. The easiest way to understand this, is to trace your conversation with someone 'lower' in the hierarchy. I must quickly add that conversation has nothing to do with hierarchy or levels. It has everything to do with ‘who you think you are’ in the conversation. It has everything to do with your surety of your purpose.

Hence to get maximum out of a conversation, remember the two things .. 'who are you' and 'where do you want this conversation to go-- the purpose of the conversation' . Before you begin the conversation.. ALWAYS REHEARSE. With every word, every sentence, every phrase, every body movement, every facial expression rehearse it in the backdrop of these two, to validate each nuance of your conversation. And once you are absolutely sure... only then start speaking.

Rehearse till it becomes innate and immutable.

Aapke jumma chumma ke daddy !

आपके जुम्मा चुम्मा के daddy ! - Yes that's the way we were introduced to Harivanshrai Bachchan when we were in school by our Hindi teacher Lal Bahadur Singh.

LBS was a great influence on us. Before I go to the real topic (Bachchan), I owe a small tribute to LBS --the legend that he was. I heard, recently, from some of my friends that he died some months back. Isn't it strange, sometimes, how it takes a death, for pachyderms like us, to revere brilliance?

How else would you describe someone who managed to engross a whole bunch of adolescents into the subtleties of निर्गुण निराकार और सगुण साकार ब्रह्म की साधना, while he effortlessly described the two major branches of भक्ति युग, with such unbiased balance. Bhartendu, Agyay, Dinkar, Hariaudh, Kabir, Surdas of the yore seemed so less intimidating then. The sheer brilliance of the man is best ascribed by the fact, that, a ‘40 out of 100’ like me, whose knowledge of the language can be comfortably documented in a post-card, dares to write a blog such as this।

He had a sarcastic sense of humour—he would call us ‘देवता’ !
“Scent पहने हुए देवता” . इन पक्तियों की सप्रसंग व्याख्या करूं तो सिंह साहब, खुसरो से, रहस्यमयी चिंतन धारा के कवि लगेंगे ! ( for those who are curious, call me to find out what it really means)

Back to Bachchan :

Must begin with some of my all time favourites by the master: from Madhushala -

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बजी नफीरी और नमाज़ी भूल गया अल्लाह ताला
गाज गिरी पर ध्यान सुरा में मग्न रहा पीने वाला
शेख़ बुरा मत मानो इसको , साफ़ कहूं तो मस्जिद को
अभी युगों तक सिखलाएगी ध्यान लगाना मधुशाला
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दर दर घूम रहा था जब में चिल्लाता, हाला ! हाला !
कभी न मिलता था मदिरालय कभी न मिलता था प्याला
मिलन हुआ पर नही मिलन सुख, लिखा हुआ था किस्मत में
मैं अब जम कर बैठ गया हूँ, घूम रही है मधुशाला
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मदिरालय जाने को घर से चलता है पीनेवाला,
'किस पथ से जाऊँ?' असमंजस में है वह भोलाभाला,
अलग-अलग पथ बतलाते सब पर मैं यह बतलाता हूँ -
'राह पकड़ तू एक चला चल, पा जाएगा मधुशाला।'

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Madhushala, Madhukalash, Madhubala.. are some of his popular creation ( read – as those creation that we hear AB reciting in some of the commemorative kavi sammelans )

Will introduce you to some of my other favourites :

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आँखों से यदि अश्रु छनेगा,
कटुतर यह कटु पेय बनेगा,
ऐसे पी सकता है कोई, तुझको पी मुसकाना होगा!
विष का स्‍वाद बताना होगा!
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मेरे पूजन-आराधन को,
मेरे संपूर्ण समर्पन को,
जब मेरी कमजोरी कहकर मेरा पूजित पाषाण हँसा!
तब रोक न पाया मैं आँसू!

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खोया सभी विश्‍वास है,
भूला सभी उल्‍लास है,
कुछ खोजती हर साँस है, कितना अकेला आज मैं!
कितना अकेला आज मैं!

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Read on, I promise this man is a genius (and the irony is that he needs someone as inconsequential as me to introduce him to the uninitiated). AB is not that humble, just that his father is so towering that humility seems such a natural and logical emotion.